Talking about homeschooling with family and friends can be hard. Here are some tips to guide the conversations.
Here's what you'll learn in this article:
- The importance of what you say about homeschooling to family and friends to quell stereotypes.
- Four tips to keep in mind during conversations with family and friends about homeschooling.
- Answers to common questions about homeschooling and how to handle comments with care.
- Key takeaways for parent-educators (and their children) to use in conversations with family and friends about home school.
- How to learn more about making home school the best experience for your family.
People Have Opinions About Everything, Especially the Schooling Children Receive
The COVID-19 pandemic changed a lot almost overnight. Education is one area that changed dramatically--and that is still showing the effects of the pandemic today.
As a result of the pandemic, homeschooling went from a fringe option to being much more common. Caregivers were scrambling for resources to educate their children, especially as they realized that much of what was being provided by the traditional school systems was minimal (e.g., a 30-minute zoom every other day and a few worksheets).
While many students returned to traditional school, more people than ever chose to continue home school--and with good reason. Learning loss and worse attendance in traditional schools are still evident years later. However, even with more people choosing to home school, it is still a less-common option that can evoke various opinions (some more informed than others) from family and friends.
Four Tips for Talking About Homeschooling with Family and Friends
To be clear, you are not required to share anything about how you home school with your family and friends. However, if you have home schooled for a while, then you know it usually receives more of a reaction—sometimes positive and sometimes less so. With this in mind, here are four tips you can use to guide these kinds of conversations:
1. “What about socializing?”
One of the most common questions or comments I receive about homeschooling relates to socializing. There is still a strong stigma around homeschooling based on the misconception that it involves keeping your child shuttered away from other children.
Here, you have a few options depending on how much detail you want to share. A great option is to keep it factual and share a recent learning experience that you embarked on or the regular extracurricular activities your child does each week. Then, you can shift to asking about an experience they’ve had recently.
If the questioning persists about your child’s socializing, you may choose to go deeper and share a core value about home school that is really important to your family and not readily available in traditional school (e.g., tailoring the learning material). This approach also steers the conversation elsewhere, particularly when people aren’t going to change their minds about how they feel about socializing in home school.
2. “What about science?”
Another common reaction to home school is that you have chosen to do it as a way to emphasize religion and avoid teaching certain topics like reproductive health or evolution in science. No matter the reasons that drove your decision to home school, it is up to you what you share.
For this type of comment (regardless of what you teach in home school) stick with “I” statements, like, "I am happy with the curriculum because it emphasizes 'X.'" This can help shift the conversation away from what your curriculum might not include. If the inquiry persists, it might be appropriate to emphasize that no curriculum covers all learning topics, so you are emphasizing what is a fit right now. Then, you can ask what their favorite subject was in school.
A debate about curriculum choices might be worthwhile and meaningful in some instances. But, most often, these types of comments about curriculum choices are immediate reactions in passing, not well thought-out, or made in a setting that does not afford prolonged attention to the topic. In most cases, it is probably best to acknowledge the comment and move on to a question that shifts the topic of discussion.
3. “I could never do that!”
This comment is another that is often born out of stereotypes of home school—the idea of caregiver and child being secluded together at home for hours or the caregiver constantly preparing and responding to needs. I find this comment one of the trickiest because parents are often highlighting their own insecurities about being with their child or their skills.
Here, you might choose to share something about home school that you do find to be a challenge. Then reframe that homeschooling is a skill, but with commitment, it’s become a part of your normal routine.
4. “You just do whatever you want all day!”
It is hard to hear what you do devalued with this type of comment, much like if you work remotely and people assume that means you aren’t really working. Like with other types of comments, this one is probably said in passing conversation without much thought, but it is still off-putting.
It is still up to you to decide how much you want to engage. Particularly if your child is present, you might say matter-of-factly that your home school days are actually really full--and they need to be to cover all of your child's learning activities. Here, it is more important to say what is true and let your child hear that too. It validates what they do each day and its importance.
FAQs: Talking About Homeschooling with Your Family and Friends
Shouldn’t I Just Agree with the Comment to Avoid Conflict?
No. There are typically three conversation styles—assertive, argumentative, and passive. You want to aim for assertive in most interactions, and especially ones that include your child. In this scenario, your child is looking up to you as a role model.
If your child hears you passively agree that they don’t get time socializing or the day’s activities don’t count, this can hurt their self-confidence about their home school experience. With that said, you also don’t want to be argumentative trying to change someone’s opinion. Stick with using "I" statements and try to shift the conversation to a neutral topic.
How Can I Help My Child Talk about Home School?
Children talk with each other too, and you may hear these themes occurring in the conversations they are having with their peer group. When you make the decision to home school, role playing this topic with your child is a great practical life lesson.
Let your child know that people may have formed opinions about home school without necessarily having experience with it, and empower your child to stand up form himself or herself without being argumentative. For example, if a peer says your child isn’t really doing school, then your child might say a couple of things they did recently and ask the peer what they are working on to shift the conversation to a neutral sharing of experiences, noting that they are all different.
What if My Family and Friends Genuinely Want to Learn about Homeschooling?
If any of your family members or friends genuinely want to learn about home school, put some time on the calendar to talk with them more in depth. Even if it is going to be a positive conversation, it still might not be appropriate for the present setting or with your child listening—think of it like having a teacher-to-prospective-teacher conversation.
If they are considering homeschooling it may also make sense to have them join you for a day of homeschooling, which can be a great experience for your children, too. You can also share homeschooling resources with them so they can learn more.
Key Takeaways
- People have opinions. Chances are, when you decide to homeschool, family and friends will make comments about your decision.
- Stereotypes are misguided, and it's okay to say so. One example of a negative stereotype about homeschooling is that children don’t get to socialize. However, this is often far from the truth.
- Talk about all of the unique opportunities homeschooling affords. Family and friends may think that homeschooling means you are limiting what your child will learn, while, ideally, homeschooling will offer a well-rounded curriculum.
- Remember that you are a role model for your child. When you respond to comments about homeschooling with your child present, remember to be even toned and assertive to quell stereotypes about homeschooling and instill confidence in your path.
Where to Learn More
If you would like more tips for navigating the home school experience, consider becoming a member of Crush Home School! With our membership plan, you get monthly guidance delivered to your inbox with downloadable resources and much more. Learn more about becoming a Crush Home School member.